


Why Alex never says I love you

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Borderline Personality Disorder, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, OT4, Other, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Pls heed the warnings do not read if you are triggered by any of this, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-09-02 02:30:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8648314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Before bed John, Herc, or Laf would say ‘I love you’ and the others would say ‘I love you too.’ but Alex, Alex would go ‘You too.’---------------~---------------For the prompt: Modern AU - Alex/John/Laf/Herc. Alex never says the words 'I love you'. He'll say 'me too' or 'same' but never 'I love you' From marissa_ann's "Hamilton Prompts and Ideas", chapter 5.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [marissa_ann](https://archiveofourown.org/users/marissa_ann/gifts).



> READ THE TAGS PEOPLE IF ANY OF THIS TRIGGERS YOU DO NOT READ ITS NOT WORTH YOUR MENTAL HEALTH FOR MY HORRIBLE FIC
> 
> 'm sorry if this is trash but its 1 am and I have to get up in 3 hours for shopping!!
> 
> Also I hope all of the 'Mericans had a great thanksgiving I ate too much food ok lets go with the newest trash child 
> 
> I should be updating that other fic but whatever
> 
> im watching scrubs and crying so bye

Alex would never say ‘I love you’ specifically.   
I mean, he would say ‘Same’, or ‘You too’, but never ‘I love you’.  
Before bed John, Herc, or Laf would say ‘I love you’ and the others would say ‘I love you too.’ but Alex, Alex would go ‘You too.’  
This worried his significant others, especially John.  
John needed validation. When Alex never says he loves them, John gets scared.  
Really scared.  
One day he decides to ask Alex why he’s never said it.  
Alex says he’ll tell him later, when they’re all together.  
John asks him later that night.   
“Alex, why do you never say I love you to us?”  
Alex seemed to be flustered, trying to crawl out of the bed, blocked only by Herc’s body.  
“Alex please.” Laf went, “We won’t hate you for what you say.”  
Alex seemed to be contemplating something, maybe if he should tell them or not.  
After about 30 seconds of silence, he finally starts talking.  
“Well.. umm.. I was born in the Caribbean, you all know that. Um.. Nevis, to be specific. I umm.. my Father he… he and my mother.. they had me and my brother out of wedlock. My brother James. I umm.. they were looked down upon because they had us before marriage. And umm.. My dad.. he couldn’t stand it. He was from a wealthy Scottish family.. the Hamiltons and he umm”  
Alex paused to take in a shuddery, shaking breath. When had he started crying?  
“He left when I was ten, my brother was twelve. He left and he took all of our money, not like we were very rich anyway, but he took everything. Everything… umm. So my mother was working double shifts, whenever she got home she went directly to bed, sleeping whenever she can, she was out the door before we woke up, my brother took care of me. Well umm when I was twelve..”  
The others were all looking at each other. They knew he was an orphan, they just never knew his story was so.. sad.  
“When I was twelve I umm… I got really sick.. Yellow fever, that’s what it was. Umm we didn’t have money to pay for medicine.. so umm she took off work to care for me.. then she got sick and we were there together and I.. she just dies I.. She was holding me and she just died! And the last thing I said to her was I love you.. and I just.. I mean..  
“So after that they brought me to live with my cousin, my last surviving relative willing to take me in.. I umm I lived with him for around 3 months, then he umm he hung himself.. I found him. Then they brought me to New York, and I went to live with the Fredericks, umm… they were abusive.. they umm.. whenever I did anything wrong they would hurt me.. I was there for a month then the bruises were too.. too prominent to conceal”  
They all remembered how he looked when they met him, malnourished and bruised up. He was fragile, basically broken, he would have panic attacks from a single touch.  
“Umm I went to three more abusive foster homes, each one more abusive than.. than the last. Um the last one was… sexual.. that’s why I haven’t.. that’s why I leave when you guys.. umm.. then they found out about all of this and I umm went to the Washingtons, they had found out they had had luck with Aaron, his parents were dead and he had selective mutism.. umm he’s great now.. but anyway.. umm so there they found out about my past and they brought me to a therapist and that’s how I found out I have BPD, so I mean”  
He had told them about this, they had had to patch him up after a relapse.   
“Umm, so the last thing I said to my mom was ‘I love you’ and I’m too scared to say it too you guys but I umm I do.. you know.. but I’m scared that after I say it you’ll die because that’s what happened and I feel horrible about it and I’m scared you’ll leave me because everyone in my life has left and if you guys left I don’t think I could go on and Im done I cant go on..”  
John was the next to talk, saying “It’s okay Alex we still love you and we will still love you no matter what ok?”  
They all love him so much and it hurt their hearts to see him in pain.   
The rest of the night consists of cuddling, sleeping, and crying.  
They were okay.


End file.
